All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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