they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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