so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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