It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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