ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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