I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
