I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
