i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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