smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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