my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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