God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
