My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
