I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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