i jhust puked up my retainher.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The ass gains better be worth it
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