I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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