Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize