You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
