OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
