The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
