So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
