we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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