boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
