i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize