Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
