I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
