I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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