Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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