Cold hands, warm shart.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
