And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
