Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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