Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
