When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
