Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
