she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
