Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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