i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
