ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
