I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We have started to decorate penises.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
