well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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