I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
