Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There are leaves in my underwear?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
