if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
