what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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