Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
