i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
