So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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