Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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