am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
