I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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