Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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