that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
