He is such a slut. More and more my type.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
