so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
