apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
