break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
