Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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