I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if only i could text you this smell
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
