So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
