I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize