a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
