The maid of honor just puked.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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