i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
