If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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