Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Vodka?
Forever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
