Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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